In a bizarre twist on traditional school lunch policies, the local school district has begun serving "sanitized" sandwiches to its students. The innovative approach, which involves dousing entire meals in an antibacterial spray meant for kitchen counters, has left many parents and educators scratching their heads.
Proponents of the trend claim that the sanitizing agents – which include a special blend of essential oils, baking soda, and what appears to be a hint of Febreze – provide a unique nutritional benefit. According to Dr. Reginald P. Bottomsworth, the district's chief nutritionist, "The key is to create an environment where students feel comfortable consuming their meals without fear of contracting a stomach bug."
While it's unclear whether this reasoning holds up to scientific scrutiny, officials are confident in the efficacy of their unorthodox approach.
Critics, on the other hand, argue that the practice is nothing short of "sanitizing madness." "It's like they're trying to turn our children into lab rats!" complained frazzled parent, Karen Jenkins. "I mean, what's next? Serving them pesticides for dessert?
When reached for comment, Dr. Bottomsworth shot back, "At least our sandwiches are clean! You can't put a price on that kind of peace of mind."
Despite the controversy, demand for the sanitizing sandwiches has been unexpectedly high. Students seem to adore the novelty of eating their lunches in a hazmat suit-inspired atmosphere, and parents are reportedly thrilled to see their kids emerging from class with an added layer of... well, let's call it "resilience."
As one student quipped, "It's like I'm wearing a force field around my lunch!" While some may view this trend as a laughingstock, the school district remains resolute in its commitment to providing students with the most sanitized dining experience possible.
In related news, local health officials have reported a significant decline in reported cases of stomach flu – and a mysterious uptick in reports of "food-induced existential dread."
This article was written by:
Zephyr P. Flibberflam, Esq.