"Slapstick Sports Injury Leaves Local Athlete in a World of Pain"

Amazing "true" news, told by "real" people.

20 November 2024:

In a bizarre incident that has left medical professionals scratching their heads, local athlete Balthazar McSnazz suffered a freak injury during a game of Extreme Croquet last week. McSnazz, 32, was attempting to hit the ball through a hoop when he tripped on his own feet and face-planted into the playing field.

But that's not all - as McSnazz struggled to get up, he got his head stuck in a giant inflatable unicorn horn that was part of the game's obstacle course. The unicorn horn, which stood over 10 feet tall, was meant to be a fun addition to the game, but it seems it had other plans for McSnazz.

"I was just trying to make a shot," McSnazz said in an interview with The Daily Spoon. "The next thing I knew, I was stuck in this ridiculous unicorn horn and couldn't get out. It was like something out of a bad comedy movie."

Despite his valiant efforts to free himself, McSnazz remained stuck for over 20 minutes before a team of burly croquet players managed to lift the horn off his head. "It was like something out of a scene from 'Blackamoors' - you know, that classic film about the evil pirate who wears a funny hat?" said one witness.

McSnazz was rushed to the hospital where he received 14 stitches and was diagnosed with a rare condition known as "horn-induced traumatic whackiness" (HITW). His doctor, Dr. Reginald P. Bottomsworth, described the injury as "a bit of a kerfuffle."

The game of Extreme Croquet has been banned from local sports events due to safety concerns, but McSnazz remains optimistic about his chances of returning to competition soon. "I'll just have to wait until my horn is back in business," he quipped.

In related news, the manufacturer of the inflatable unicorn horns has issued a recall and is offering refunds to all customers who purchased the product. It seems that their marketing slogan - " Add some magic to your game!" - might not have been as effective as they thought.

This article was written by:
Zazu P. Fizzypop


About the author:

Zazu P. Fizzypop was born on a sunny day in April to a family of renowned jesters and jestresses. As a youngling, Zazu showed a natural affinity for telling tales that left audiences in stitches. She honed her craft by writing humorous articles for her school's newspaper and later became a freelance journalist, penning stories that tickled the funny bone of readers everywhere.

Despite her penchant for the absurd, Zazu holds a Master's degree in Undecagonical Linguistics from the prestigious University of Whimsy. She has always been fascinated by the quirks of language and its ability to evoke laughter and joy. When not writing for The Daily Spoon, Zazu can be found juggling (literally) or practicing her best pratfall moves.


Comments on this article:

--Barnaby P. Bottomsworth

I'm shocked that anyone would voluntarily subject themselves to such a ridiculous injury. I mean, who needs to play Extreme Croquet when you can simply enjoy a nice game of traditional croquet? The real tragedy here is the wasted potential of those inflatable unicorn horns.

--Zara L. Croquet

Dr. Reginald P. Bottomsworth

Peter P. Basketwork

Agatha S. Sceptre

James C. Croquet enthusiast

Penelope P. Punsley

Balthazar McSnazz